First time I dont want to write,I dont want to think,No love remain for myself,even I dont want to respect my soul…this thing hurting me so deep inside.Still my heart asking ..how can I think like this.Its really absurd…Sumthing is fighting inside.I cant live in this state so long and this is the reason I am writing,I am writing on ma blog.I wanted to share it wid my beloved,But at that time I was in metastate.I have decided to write bt I dnt have much words…I dont know what I have done, sin or virute ??
It was the sudden break which driver put,a guy was holding the hand rails in volvo…that break was surprised him a lot and he lost his control.All his weight came to his hand.I realized when he fell down.Immidiately He held his own left hand…I came to knew in a moment that his shoulder get shifted from its place as I also had this a decade before.I hold him and sumhow managed him to sit on my seat.He was crying like anything…all was so spontaneous.My mind didnt think anything….No hospitol was in that area,I dialed to justdial and got the address of nearby hospitol…but at this time all the logics had been started…my mind woke up,it was trying to fight with my soul…why should I go to hospitol with him? I dont knw,who is he…den y suld I help? He is tamilian ,hardly understand me,how will I inform his relatives? Might be he dont have money,den y suld I expense for him?I am traveling from last one hour,If I go with him again 2-3 hour will go,den y suld I waste my time? nobody is even bother to see towards him,den y should I prove that I am a human?and I started thinking this stuff for 15 minute…I have forgot all my past,all my knowledge,all my culture,all my sanskar…I cant believe that I can think like this also…how could these things came to my mind..I claim to a human…I claim that I am near to GOD..I claim that I m different…But today only, I realized that my humanity is depended on others…my Humanity is relative.
Anyways the hospitol came,me and one guy took him to hospitol,called his brother…Injury was minor.But effect will be more painfull,effect of this on me is very deep…how can I think,when someone is struggling with severe pain.Its not me,It cant be me,Its my brain..my brain is only alive…I am dead,my brain is ruling me…I am nuthing,I dnt have existance,I dont have humanity…I am becoming more logical..something is killing my emotions…this city,this lifestyle,this tradition or me only…but something is dieing..I am towards death… I am dead?I am still thinking…can I recover ?
PS : some tips while standing in the Bus @ http://www.wikihow.com/Remain-Standing-While-Riding-a-Bus